Taking the Plunge

We've decided to start our international adoption.  We've always known we would adopt from another country, but for the last three years, we've felt very strongly that we should start in our own backyard.  There are so many kids in this country who need a family.  We've done absolutely all we can, though.  Maybe God has children for us in this country...or maybe He had us going through this adoption process to ready us (or have us wait) for the international journey.  We may never know, but right now we're sure we're supposed to move forward. 

We've applied to one agency, but have not yet decided that we will continue with this one.  We're trying to decide on an agency and a country, so we're trying to weed through a LOT of information.  I think it might be a lot easier if we knew exactly who we wanted.  We're open to anyone God wants in our family (country, race, age, etc. are just not big issues for us.)  We have a few guidelines, but it still leaves us open to just about every country.  We'll just keep looking at countries and agencies and we feel confident that the Lord will lead us where we should go.

Let Down

We received an authorization!  When our caseworker called to tell us we needed to set up a time to get the full disclosure, I was sooooo nervous.  I was excited, too, I guess...but, mostly just nervous.  I was thinking that it's likely these would end up being our children...I mean, our caseworker has to recommend us for those specific children...then, the children's caseworker has to pick us as one of her top choices for them...then, a committee has to choose us as the first, second or third choice for the kids.  (We were chosen as the number one choice for them.)  Our homestudy clearly states what we feel comfortable dealing with and what we don't.  So, I'm thinking this is probably it.

Wrong.

The two things we listed as absolute "no's" were both present within this sibling group.  Ugh.  It's so disappointing.  I'm really not disappointed that we don't get to adopt RIGHT NOW.  I am okay waiting longer.  The disappointment is due to the fact that we've waited this long (three years) and when we finally receive an authorization we HAVE to say 'no'.  It's disappointing that what I thought must be a good system of matching children with families, obviously is not.  It's disappointing that I know all the intimate details of these children's lives now and I had to turn my back on them.  Of course they do not know we even exist, but it still makes me sad. 

These three children, with numerous issues, need a family...and when asked if we could be their family, we had to decline.  Ugh.  It's just a let down.

Starting again...blogging, that is...

The whole point of starting this blog was to have a history of my heart as 'proof' (not the right word, but whatever) to our future children that we have been hoping and praying for them all this time. This blog was never an outlet for me. Unlike a lot of bloggers, I don't feel any type of satisfaction or therapy from writing down all my thoughts and feelings. Because it's not therapeutic for me, I haven't done much on here. I recently started thinking about how much I will regret not having a written journal for our children. So, here I am...

There is SO much to say and yet there's really NOTHING happening. We feel like we've had a lot of bumps along the way and they've been VERY frustrating. We totally trust that God has our child(ren) out there, though. So, just as I believe that a red light...or a train...or slow traffic...can be God's protection (maybe we would have been in a wreck had we been further along on our drive...perhaps something tragic would have happened at our destination had we arrived earlier), we believe that these adoption detours are totally God's design to OUR child(ren).