Let Down

We received an authorization!  When our caseworker called to tell us we needed to set up a time to get the full disclosure, I was sooooo nervous.  I was excited, too, I guess...but, mostly just nervous.  I was thinking that it's likely these would end up being our children...I mean, our caseworker has to recommend us for those specific children...then, the children's caseworker has to pick us as one of her top choices for them...then, a committee has to choose us as the first, second or third choice for the kids.  (We were chosen as the number one choice for them.)  Our homestudy clearly states what we feel comfortable dealing with and what we don't.  So, I'm thinking this is probably it.

Wrong.

The two things we listed as absolute "no's" were both present within this sibling group.  Ugh.  It's so disappointing.  I'm really not disappointed that we don't get to adopt RIGHT NOW.  I am okay waiting longer.  The disappointment is due to the fact that we've waited this long (three years) and when we finally receive an authorization we HAVE to say 'no'.  It's disappointing that what I thought must be a good system of matching children with families, obviously is not.  It's disappointing that I know all the intimate details of these children's lives now and I had to turn my back on them.  Of course they do not know we even exist, but it still makes me sad. 

These three children, with numerous issues, need a family...and when asked if we could be their family, we had to decline.  Ugh.  It's just a let down.