My loss

I'm reading so many books about adoption...Chinese adoption, older child adoption, attachment in adoption, etc.  A theme I've been reading this week is to acknowledge my loss beforehand so I can help my child accept his/her loss.  The examples given are mostly about infertility.  We don't fit in that category.  We're not adopting because of any loss, actually. 

I mean, we would like to bridge the gap between our daughters' ages (9 and 1), but I really don't feel any sadness that we don't already have a child between them.  So, it was a little tough for me to figure out what my loss/grief might be (as the author is adament that every adoptive parent has some.)

All I can come up with is just my sadness for my child.  I've always been a little saddened at the thought that adopting from China would almost guarantee that our child will have no answers to his/her past.  It is highly unlikely that s/he will ever get to meet his/her first parents....or anyone in the extended family.  That makes me sad.  Open adoption is really scary to a lot of people...especially people who are not involved in the adoption world.  I think a strong link to a child's first family is SO important.  Even if it's not an ideal one.  Even if the adult adoptee finds an uninterested mother after searching and fantasizing for years.  It's much better for healing if you have answers.  It can be a difficult life to always wonder. 

I know God has led us to China and I'm beyond thrilled to meet our son or daughter someday, but my grief comes from the fact that our child will never know.  It won't stop us from talking, though!  I'm looking forward to giving words to my child's feelings and talking through the pain.  It's the best I can do.